


Sweet and Sour

by Tashilover



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: 4+1, Crack, general grossness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 19:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14858729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tashilover/pseuds/Tashilover
Summary: Four times Hank stopped Connor from licking things, and one time he didn't.





	Sweet and Sour

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: It's just gross. =P

**One.**

There was something about public bathrooms that always made Hank feel like he stepped into an alternate dimension. There was the strange conflicting smells of the flowery potpourri mixed in with the toe-curling stench of toilets. The ground was always sticky, even after it was mopped, and something was always, _always_ broken. As Hank walked into the men's bathroom, the light above flickered rapidly, making his eye twitch.

"Ugh," he muttered, his nose prickling. "Someone get me some gloves, because I ain't touching _nothing_."

Leaning against the yellow-tinted tiled wall was a dead man. There was no blood on him, no bruises, nothing outwardly that told Hank what he'd died from.

"I don't see any trauma," Hank said, kneeling down to the body. "Connor, come over here, do you see-? _What the fuck are you doing?_ "

Hank had turned to look at Connor and caught him in the act of dragging two fingers across a wet patch on the floor and bringing it up to his lips.

Connor blinked. "This water is discolored. I was going to test the enzymes in the-"

"For the love of Christ-! Don't taste things off the floor of a public bathroom!"

"But I-"

"NO!"

 

 

 

**Two.**

The victim's room once been a bright, lovely shade of yellows, blues and soft greens. This was the type of room Hank saw in photos for home improvement magazines. Delicate fairy lights decorated the large vanity mirror, the walls were lined with calligraphy quotes of famous authors, and even the computer desk was perfectly clean with pencils and pens in their place.

The amount of blood splattered in the room ruined the beautiful aesthetic. Blood was on the floor, the ceiling, the walls. The majority of it was on the victim's bed, where she'd been sleeping when she was attacked. The dark, crimson color of the blood conflicted with the sun flower color of the bed sheets.

"I've never seen so much blood before," Connor said as he scanned the room.

"Yeah, get used to it. This is not the first time I've seen horrors like this before."

"Strange though. The majority of the blood is here, but the victim didn't die here."

"Maybe she tried running for it."

"No. She wouldn't have been able to move after losing so much blood."

"Hmm... you believe the killer moved her body?"

Connor lifted up the blood soaked pillow. "Yes, I think so."

He opened his mouth and leaned down.

"What are you _doing?_ " Hank snapped forward, snatching the pillow away from him.

Connor blinked. "I was testing it for drugs, hair, sweat-"

"From the pillow? Dammit, Connor, the body is literally in the next room!"

"You're right," Connor said, moving past him. "I should lick the body."

"Get back here!"

 

 

 

**Three.**

"Lieutenant," Connor said. "Why are you so against my testing fluids?"

"Really?" Hank said, gesturing over his meal of hotdogs with extra relish. "You're going to bring this up while I'm eating?"

"It would take hours to test those fluids in a proper lab, whereas I can do it within seconds. My knowledge would be extremely beneficial, especially in an environment where evidence could be lost by foot traffic or the elements."

With a huff, Hank put down his hotdog. He might as well get this over with. "It's gross, Connor. Even more, it's unsanitary."

"I'm not human-"

"You certainly love reminding me of that."

"-so I am not able to get sick from infection or disease. You cannot put me in the same box as a human."

"Yes, well-"

"Even more, Lieutenant. I have a job to do, and I'm going to do it, with or without your consent. I don't need your permission or approval especially if I am able to solve a crime faster That is the literally why I was created."

Hank chewed on the inside of his cheek, considering. He sighed. "Yeah... yeah, you're right. I'm... I'm sorry, Connor. I won't stand in your way on this."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then you won't mind if I do this?"

Connor pulled up his arm. Held between finger and thumb was a piece of chewed gum.

Hank winced. "Where'd you get that?"

"From underneath the table. I'm sure you won't mind..." Connor opened his mouth and brought the gum near.

Hank's eyes tracked the piece as it slowly came closer to Connor's tongue. His face tightened, trying not to speak.

"Stop!" Hank nearly yelled. "Alright, you don't need to prove it to me now. I'm eating and we're in a public place."

Connor dropped the gum. He wiped his fingers on his jacket. "As long as we're on the same page."

"You cocky son of a-"

 

 

 

 

**Four.**

"I thought you said you were not going to try to stop me anymore."

"Yes," said Hank.

"Then why are you-?"

"I am not letting you taste _dog shit,_ Connor!"

 

 

 

**Five.**

Held in Connor's hand was the most perfect ice cream swirl Hank has ever seen. Though the flavor was only vanilla, the sheen of the white was a sight to behold. Connor brought the ice cream close to his mouth.

"Are you going to try to stop me, Lieutenant?" Connor asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You know what?" Hank held up his hands in a placating manner. He chuckled. "Heh, you got me there. Yes, Connor. You may lick the ice cream."

Connor nodded his thanks, and then lightly licked the tip, barely ruining the perfect curl. He smacked his lips, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Wait," Hank said suddenly, frowning. He looked around the room. "This is a crime scene, where did you get-?"

Connor gave the ice cream another lick. "The dead man was holding it."

"FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, WHY WOULD YOU-!"

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a compilation vid of Connor licking stuff. (I didn't make the video) XD
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-9Yxdc6ySw
> 
> Also, the yellow bed spread is based off of my bed spread. I guess I killed myself then...


End file.
